[Written: 2025-01-__]

Image being a small conscious particle, that is alive in a choatic churning machine.

Imagine other conscious particles pulling you to safety and unlocking potentials in you.

Then you try to use these new found skills to helps others.

But, they just instantaneously push you and everyone close back into the churning machine.

You have been taught skills far beyond what you had before, but whenever you use them in the real world it feels you drag everyone down to the bottom of a churning machine, where we are just out of reach from one another.

You feel alone, you look beyond the looking glass at things that were once real, or felt real. And just to remember them seems to yield an infinite energy, even though it seems you am heading in the opposite way than the world.

Then you realise, everyone probably feels like this at some point.

And instantly you aare drawn back into to machine, churning or stagnating, it’s so hard to tell which now.

The only light light you can see ahead is a good night sleep, with a head heavy with hopelessness you know it will drag you through the darkness into a brighter morning. This is me, and that still feels like a win to me.

(I am even lighter now, the days are getting longer than when I wrote this, and the doom and gloom is fading fast).