[Written: 2024-10-12]

I am not sure that after my diagnosis anything has become clearer. I now have bi-polar; before I had schizophrenia; and in between I had a misdiagnosis and “no mental health condition”.

Before my diagnosis of bi-polar I had what I can only assume to be a mini psychotic episode, where I heard voices of intelligent human beings that were not visible; saw visions that I cannot explain the origins of or how it seemed to fit my individual circumstances and beliefs; and have felt as if my mind had wandered and extended into others – with my body being an ever fluctuating liquid that was defined only by the people around me at that time; and not a/my true form.

I could write so much about each of these points; today I will try to be brief.

It is hard to be certain that the diagnosis is correct as human error; history (mine and globally); and the fact that mental health is such a big area that has many over-lapping sides shows that a diagnosis is not always certain. (Although I am happy with my diagnosis: it gives my condition a name; tools to tackle it and warning signs to look out for).

Never the less it is still hard to know if my ups and downs are caused by my condition or the medication.

And my “hallucinations” are difficult to pin point an explanation on. I don’t use recreational drugs, so I can quite safely rule that out, but they are not typical bi-polar symptoms (as far as I am aware) and more typical of schizophrenic symptoms, even though I haven’t suffered anything to this level for nearly two decades.

I wander if it is because I came off my medication when my initial diagnosis was reversed; or if current events caused a different episode (i.e. work, stress, home life) or if it’s another misdiagnosis.

Either way I am happy; or at least happier with my diagnosis and treatment as my delusions, visions and voices have reduced; as well as help being more easily at hand should I decline.

So, any which way, I am better off than I was before, which I can only be grateful for.