[Written: 2025-02-07]

I have felt like this for since I can remember; every action monitored and corrected. Every hoped used as a cattle prod to urge me in the direction of somebody else’s choosing. Every word analysed and weight and energy added to it; a spinning planet for me to collide into for the amusement of others.

Now, finally in their perfect trap, even my thoughts and dreams interpreted to make satisfy another, or to fit into a part of their own missing jigsaw puzzle.

The once strangling feeling of the weight of so many worlds falling down with crushing force onto back, pulling my skin so hard I could feel it around my throat, sheds off of me like a robe.

Like the weak donkey who was given the heavy burden of food for the journey, and the strong donkey that chose to take sponges and laughed and hee-hawed at the weak one. On the first night and for the rest of the journey it stormed with torrential rain, and the strong donkeys load of sponges tripled in weight making it unbearable. But, everyday of the journey the weaker donkey’s load got lighter, and by the end of it he couldn’t even notice the load. Where as the strong donkey was nearly broken by the end of the trip. What goes around comes around.

My mind is like those stormy nights, adding weight to the thoughts of the people around me. I can never seem to have or be allowed to have thoughts that are just mine, that don’t have some affect on others.

You will survive it, I have to tell myself. But, my mind feels like it’s been pushed into eery corner and dark critter filled hole there is, to make sure it was safe for others to follow.

The only hole left now is the hole in your mind, and with minds appearing as infinite to me, God only knows what I will find in there.

I feel I am now at the end of that journey, and you are just at the beginning.

You will survive it, I should tell you. It just may not take you to where you want to go.