Forces Beyond my Reckoning – a short entry to demonstrate the overwhelming nature of being human for a bipolar mind

My days are blending into one. Always am I on the edge of an unfathomable whirlpool in an endless ocean. I feel like the last man on Earth. People seem like shells of what they once were, reanimated by technology that should only be available in the distant future. The corpses of humanity, controlled by forces beyond my reckoning. It is not clear if the forces are good; yet volatile, or evil; yet silent.

Even my family appears to have been taken. Their true selves still in our childhoods. But, a part of them here, almost demonised, is hitting everything they can by whatever means they have to their disposal. Their words breaking my reality, shaking my inner peace, and making a mockery out of my life.

I feel it damaging them too, but it must be all in my head, because they don’t seem to notice or care about it.

What should bring me solace is I that can hear their voices in their clumsy and damaging words, so they are still there. But, the opposite washes over me, because I know they are still there; yet their words have not changed, and I still feel every sharp edge of them as they barrage and push through me with no invitation.

In another life I would not have cared. But, I am here, and they are there.

[Written: 2025-04-15]