In my “gammy” bi-polar brain, it feels as is if my mind and / or body gets fired instantaneously through a humongous black hole; that resides in the centre of the universe; and then back again – at random and as if in the past future and present, all at once. Sometimes I can learn how to stop myself from flipping to the other side, sometimes I can go there by will, and sometimes I just drift.

When I discussed this feeling at my bi-polar meeting, the words once said outload conjured a different image of what I was experiencing: Now it felt as if the whole galaxy (for arguments sake I’m going to describe it as disc shaped) was pulling down into a deep gravity well in the shape of a cone, at the bottom crushing gravity and an oblivion in the form of a gigantic black hole. Sometimes I felt underneath it, being crushed beyond belief, sometimes I felt I was being shot out to the other side of it; floating to an ever expanding and infinite vacuum of space, and then hit back down again. Sometimes I felt on both sides at the same time; and sometimes I felt as if I was not on either.

Again, after I had vocalised this and by the time I had got to the next meeting, my mental image had changed. This time the cone shape I had used to describe the galaxy looked like a flower in my head; and the sensation of being hit back and forth by an alien force was a bumblebee landing on me; and the going by will was the growing of the flower. Also, I have called my wife BumbleBee for quite some time; things started to settle in my mind and bit; through fate or shear luck; things had were/are beginning to make sense for me, for we are all part of nature struggling against the shear forces of our environment, Just like the bumblebee and flora in this ever growing man made concrete jungle of ours. But we are getting better at helping the ones around us all the time; it can sometimes be tricky in an ever changing world, so my lesson was sometimes we just have to be patient.