2024-08-23

With my head always so easily ready to slip and spin out of control; to continue down into the depths of questioning what is the true reality of the fabric of the world; pulling at every thread of the foundations of our true natures; to go hurtling down the next easily accessible rabbit whole; I start to try to map the edges; warn myself and others of the pitfalls I have found; or found myself ensnared in.

I speak to the next person here to help me; the Doctors; the NHS; my wife, my family, my rare friends or my neighbour. I just want conversation; but to them the dangers of where I take them with my mind / topic of conversation and ideas of who or what we are are very real. They affect both my life and theirs. What I guess I am talking about is the Matrix.

The birthplace (matrix) is a fascinating subject. The place we are born. It always changes. The place we were born, let’s say originally was from our mothers womb. But, then we are reborn in small and large parts from the experiences that we have, that we share, that we conceive.

Every conversation we have, a part of us changes and is reshaped; we remain predominantly us, but none the less our paths slightly (or majoritally) are altered. So the matrix and our birthplace becomes today, it becomes every day; for who we were yesterday made us who we are today; and who we are today will forge who we will be tomorrow.

I cannot change the world, nor is it mine to change it; but I can change a little part of myself for a better tomorrow. For a better me. And even though I hope that’s enough; I know it has to be.