2024-07-22

As I wake into new worlds created from different perspectives I feel carried, cared for and loved.
The pain I once felt coarse through my brain as if it were an alien breaching the walls of its captivity to escape to somewhere more peaceful is dispersing.
It seems sometimes I can observe my mind as if it were a separate lifeform to myself, but integrally connected to every part of me and all I know and feel.
The husks of truths intentionally misrepresented to give each of us time to safely mature from childhood into a new adulthood of not knowing, letting our own individual magnetisms take us to our family and loved ones that complete us, in the same way that our piece of the puzzle completes a part of their overall image and design.
I feel having my hand forced to be where I am now has been the ultimate act of kindness and strength by the people around me and my aphasic way of thinking and speaking has done it’s most important job so far and let me understand that the gaps I had in my soul were not from anything inherently missing or void within me, but without me.
That is, I have been missing a part of me that exists outside of my body, on my roots; my heart; my earth and the form it takes is the people around me who make and made me who I am with their love, kindness and strength.
My Mother, my Father, my Wife, my Brothers and Sisters, my aunties, uncles and cousins, my friends and foes, my teachers and loved ones and of course the NHS.
My mind is not the problem, it’s just different, but it’s the same as anybody elses in the respect that if I lock it away from other people, it will fall ill, as it contains language, and what is language if it is not shared, but frail or broken.
Sometimes I forget things that seem impossible for one to forget, as if they could just fall out of my head without anybody noticing, especially me.
But, I am lucky enough to have been reminded gently by angels in human form (or the closest thing that I have to it, at least), my family, friends and loved ones.
I feel that the way I used to perceive the world, I could have only made it this far if there were guardian Angels guiding me from every conceivable angle, I feel blessed. And I know when I forget who I am again I will be reminded by them again, which will help me remember who they are in turn.